Boost Libido: Why Communication Works Best

You've probably already googled everything. Maca powder. Ashwagandha. Certain foods that supposedly boost desire. Maybe you've even tried a few of these home remedies for low sex drive and wondered why none of them really work.

Here's the uncomfortable truth: Most tips about boosting libido only scratch the surface. They act as if sexual desire is a switch you can simply flip with the right ingredient.

But that's not how female sexuality works. And honestly, that's not how sexuality works in general.

If you really want to understand how to boost your libido, we need to go deeper. And the path doesn't lead through the spice cabinet, but through a conversation.

Why Home Remedies for Low Sex Drive Rarely Work

Let's briefly talk about these home remedies that are recommended everywhere.

Maca root, ginseng, saffron, pomegranate, dark chocolate. The list is long, and yes, for some of these remedies there are actually studies suggesting a slight effect on libido. But here's the problem: These studies mostly show minimal effects, and they don't account for what's really behind low sex drive in most women.

Sexual desire in women isn't a purely physical process. It's a complex interplay of hormones, emotions, relationship dynamics, stress, self-image, and yes, communication too.

If you take a home remedy but are simultaneously dealing with chronic stress, don't feel emotionally seen in your relationship, or haven't openly talked about your intimacy in months, no superfood in the world is going to change that.

This isn't to say these remedies are completely useless. But at best, they're a small puzzle piece in a much larger picture.

What's Really Behind Low Libido

When we talk about boosting libido in women, we first need to understand why desire fades in the first place.

The stress factor is enormous. Your nervous system can't be in survival mode and desire mode at the same time. When you're constantly under pressure—whether from work, children, financial worries, or the endless to-do list in your head—your body downregulates libido. This isn't weakness; it's biology. Your body prioritizes survival over reproduction.

Hormones play a role, but not the only one. Yes, pregnancy, breastfeeding, the pill, and menopause all affect your sexual desire. But hormones are rarely the sole reason. Many women with perfect hormone levels still have no desire, while others with hormonal fluctuations have a fulfilling sex life. The difference often lies elsewhere.

Emotional connection is crucial. For many women, desire doesn't start in the body but in feelings. Do you feel seen by your partner? Appreciated? Desired in a way that feels good and not demanding? When emotional intimacy is missing, physical intimacy rarely follows.

The unspoken kills desire. Here we get to the core. If you haven't openly talked about what you like, what has changed, or what you want for months or years, distance develops. This distance often shows up as lack of desire, but it's actually a communication problem.

The Connection Between Communication and Libido

There's a reason couples therapists and sex therapists repeatedly emphasize that communication is key. And no, this isn't a cliché.

When you don't dare to talk about your sexual desires in your relationship, here's what happens: You have sex that doesn't really fulfill you. Or you avoid sex altogether because it feels like a duty. Over time, your brain stops associating intimacy with joy and starts associating it with effort, disappointment, or even fear.

Your libido drops—not because something's wrong with your body, but because your body is reacting to something that's emotionally off.

Conversely, studies show that couples who talk openly about their sexuality are not only more satisfied with their sex life but also experience more desire. That's because open communication creates safety. And safety is one of the most important prerequisites for female arousal.

Why It's So Hard to Talk About Sex

If communication is so important, why do so few couples do it?

Because it feels like a minefield.

There's the fear of hurting your partner. What if he thinks he's doing something wrong? There's the fear of rejection. What if I say what I want and she finds it strange? There's the shame. Talking about sex still feels taboo for many people, even in a long-term relationship.

And there's the fear of what you might discover. What if the conversation shows that we've grown apart?

All these fears are understandable. But they lead to silence. And silence leads to both partners feeling lonely, even when lying next to each other.

In our article No Desire for Sex? How to Talk Openly and Without Pressure About Low Libido, we go into more detail about how to start this conversation.

How Communication Can Actually Boost Your Libido

Let's get concrete. Here are the ways open conversations can positively influence your sexual desire.

Communication reduces pressure. When you openly talk about the fact that sex isn't happening as often right now, and both of you understand why that is, it takes the pressure off. And less pressure often paradoxically means more desire. Nothing kills desire faster than the feeling of having to perform.

Communication creates emotional closeness. When you dare to be vulnerable and say what you feel, intimacy develops. Not the physical kind, but the emotional kind. And this emotional intimacy is, for many women, the precursor to physical desire.

Communication enables change. Maybe what you like has changed over the years. Maybe there's something you'd like to try but never said. Maybe there's something your partner does that actually turns you off, but you've never addressed it. Without communication, everything stays the same. With communication, everything can change.

Communication shows you're desired. When your partner seeks the conversation, when he wants to know what you like, when he's willing to listen and adapt, that's a sign of desire. Not the superficial, physical desire, but the deeper kind: I want you to feel good. I want to really know you.

Starting a Conversation Without It Feeling Awkward

The theory is nice, but how do you put it into practice?

The most important tip: Don't have the conversation in the bedroom and not right after sex. Choose a neutral moment—maybe during a walk or on the sofa in the evening when you're both relaxed.

You could say: "I've been thinking a lot about us lately. Not because something's wrong, but because our closeness matters to me. Can we talk about how we're both feeling right now?"

Or: "I notice my body is working differently than before, and I want to understand how you're doing. Would you like to talk openly about it?"

The key is to frame the conversation as a shared exploration, not as problem-solving. You're not broken. You're getting to know each other again.

What to Do When Direct Conversations Are Difficult

Sometimes the barrier is too high. Sometimes you don't know where to start. Sometimes the fear of rejection is so great that the words just won't come.

If that's the case for you, there are other ways.

Some couples find it easier to write to each other instead of speaking. A message in which you say what you feel and want can be the first step.

Others use books or podcasts as conversation starters. You listen to something together and then talk about what you took away from it.

And then there are tools like Delila, developed exactly for this situation. With Delila, you both independently look at different ideas—from sensual experiences to conversation topics to new experiences. The app only shows you what you both find interesting. This way you can discover where your shared desires lie without the risk of rejection.

This isn't a replacement for communication. But it can be the door opener that makes the conversation easier.

The Role of Self-Care

While we're talking about communication, I don't want to overlook one point: Your libido also depends on how you feel about yourself.

When you're exhausted, when you feel uncomfortable in your body, when you have no time for yourself, it's hard to feel desire. Not because something's wrong with you, but because desire needs space.

Ask yourself: When was the last time you did something that felt good, just for you? When did you last get enough sleep? When did you last feel comfortable in your body?

Sometimes the first step to boosting libido isn't a conversation with your partner, but a conversation with yourself.

When It Might Be Medical After All

With all the focus on communication and emotions, I want to be honest: Sometimes there are physical causes that deserve medical attention.

If you have other symptoms alongside low libido—like extreme fatigue, mood swings, vaginal dryness, or pain during sex—then a conversation with your gynecologist makes sense. Thyroid problems, hormonal imbalances, or medication side effects can all play a role.

But even if a medical cause is found, communication remains important. Because your partner needs to understand what's happening. And you need to find a way together to deal with the situation.

Boosting Libido Is a Process, Not a Sprint

I wish I could tell you there's a quick trick. A home remedy that changes everything. A pill that brings back desire.

But sexual desire doesn't work that way. It's not a switch; it's a garden. It needs care, attention, and the right conditions to bloom.

The good news is: You have more influence over these conditions than you might think. Not through the perfect superfood, but through the way you communicate with your partner. Through the emotional safety you build together. Through the willingness to keep getting to know each other anew.

Your libido isn't broken. It's perhaps just waiting for the conditions to be right.

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Read More

• No Desire for Sex? How to Talk Openly and Without Pressure About Low Libido
• When Your Partner Doesn't Want to Be Touched: Causes and Compassionate Solutions
• How to Talk About Sex When Your Marriage Has Been Silent for a Long Time

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The first step doesn't have to be a big conversation.

With Delila, you can playfully discover what interests you both—without words, without risk, without rejection. Sometimes that's the gentlest way back to each other.

Discover your shared desires with Delila